I would like to take this opportunity to write about some of the things that I have noticed since being back home. I am no longer in the
I am settling back into 'normal life' very quickly, the volume of the television that I couldn't stand when I came back has now risen to the usual level and rather than sounding like the noisy drone I first found when I came back I am now, once again singing along with the adverts. I think this has been a really good opportunity for me to be more objective about myself and the condition of my mind. I feel like I have a bit more space now to look at myself and see what is going on.
The biggest change I've found in myself aside from an unexpected aversion to loud music is calmness. I'm not sure how long it would last if I stayed in this environment but at the moment I am under a lot of stress. I'm going overseas and have given myself like 1 week to organise everything including selling my car! So there have been a lot of bumps in the road this last week, but rather than freaking out and getting really cranky, generally I have been taking a deep breath and thinking, oh well! Even more surprising than my internal response has been that not long afterwards my problems seem to be sorting themselves out without too much effort. Not that I'm not trying, I'm just not killing myself over things anymore. If I can do something about it I will if not I just wait and see and then before I know it a solution has presented itself.
I wish I'd known this years ago.
The other thing I've noticed it the amount of my day I'm spending in fantasy land. I have a myriad of little awake dreams where I'm someone important doing something interesting. I used to spend a lot of my life living a fantasy and not worry about what I was really doing. Isn’t that sad? I never noticed how much I was doing it! So I've put a stop to it and I refuse from now on to ever let myself be carried away daydreaming. Its really quite damaging as it can change your perception of things.
For example I'm going to India tomorrow and if I sat here and daydreamed about what’s going to happen when I get there, how I'll meet a amazing lama who'll recognise me as a tulku and do all these amazing things, then when I actually get there and this daydream does not become reality I will be disappointed( please note I am not nor do I hold any hopes of being found to be a tulku). It may seem a bit OTT but if you think about the way we imagine new partners or jobs and stuff to be and then when we find out they are not we are disappointed by our own expectations. In another way if, while I'm planning to go volunteer in a monastery in India I spend my whole time fantasizing about finding a really great boyfriend and doing lots of cool things in Australia I may suddenly find that I don't want to go away anymore.
I don't know about everyone else but I have always had a very vivid fantasy life since I was in primary school but no one ever talks about these things so maybe I'm the only one. If you don't know what I'm talking about just ignore the top bit!!
Before I go I wanted to get a bit more on topic and tell you about how I came to know the Dhammapada. Someone suggested to me to go and read a sutra (Buddhist scripture) and I think they suggested the heart sutra.
Anyway I never really thought about reading a sutra at that time as I was more of a book person, having it explained to me by some author or another but I thought I'd give it a go. So I went to Boarders, (probably not the best place but better than Angus and Robertson who still put Buddhist books under 'New Age'). I couldn’t find what I was looking for but I did find the copy of the Dhammapada I still cart around to this day. It’s a Penguin classic. I opened it and read the first verse and it blew my socks off. I bought it straight away.
I don't have the time to talk about this verse but I think it is very helpful to anyone, Buddhist or not. To me it is the answer to the questions we so often come up with. It’s a very blunt and to the point quote and it’s been going through my head a lot recently. It’s helped me to let go of things and not worry too much. It’s also helped me not to get too caught up in stuff going on around me as well as giving me encouragement to go out, follow my heart in pursuit of reality.
"What we are today is because of our thoughts of yesterday, and our present thoughts create our life of tomorrow: Our Life is the creation of our minds."
We need to take responsibility for our minds, not let them wander around where ever they like. We need to learn to let go, this life is only a figment of our imagination.
So taking responsibility for my mind, letting go of
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