emotions

Ok, so I think I must have a bit of bloggers remorse. After such a long absence I suddenly feel compelled to regularly update my blog, plus someone (other than my best friend) actually read it and responded so although I don’t really have time to write a proper blog right now I thought I would at least post a copy of an e-mail I wrote to a friend lately.

My girlfriend wrote to me with a problem. She said she had been suffering a lot recently because she had these terrible negative emotions come up all of a sudden and didn’t know what to do with them. Usually she is not an angry person. Basically she had a bit of a crush on a guy and confessed to a close friend. Despite this knowledge her ‘close friend’ was soon after caught doing some drunken making out at a party they both attended. This ‘drunken making out has since developed into a bit of a proper relationship leaving my friend with a nasty chip on her shoulder.

From what she wrote to me I could see that the problem wasn’t the guy, a crush is no big deal she was over it. It was more the feeling of betrayal. And although she had ok’d everything with her friend the sight/ sound or even thought of them together stimulated a huge amount of anger in her that she knew was irrational. So she asked me if I had any suggestions about how to deal with this disturbing emotion before she lost them both.

This is all ripped directly with the mouths of the great lo-jong-sperts like Ani Pema Chodron, I claim no responsibility for this stuff but I know that it works and my friend also wrote back later and said she felt much better.

This stuff is for everybody no matter what your beliefs so I hope it can one day help someone……..

About your question well, you have to look at what’s

the real problem and not think about the story. 'She

did this he did that' 'I think this'. You have to look

at what’s going on in you because the rest you have no

control over.

So firstly next time you feel all cut up over it and

you get that ‘burning feeling’ you have to completely

drop the story line that starts running through your

head and just feel the pain and work out what it is.

Anger? Jealousy? Hurt? Don't think about the situation

just focus on the feeling. How does it feel like? The

physical feeling what is it. Where is the pain, chest?

Stomach? Face? (DO NOT THINK ABOUT THE STORYLINE THAT

IS CAUSING THE PAIN AT THIS POINT)

All our emotions are caused by our own mind and our

perceptions. You can't change the situation ever, even

by being cunning or deceptive you can only change your

mind so find out what's happening with your mind.

Privately you can do loving kindness meditation which

really helps soooooo much.

So you sit down and clear your mind for maybe 5 or 10

mins. Just follow your breath and don't think about

anything else. Then you imagine someone you really

love. Usually they say your mother. And really see her 

and feel love for her. I usually imagine my mum hugging 

me. Then think of someone who you like, maybe me (ha ha)

any friend or your dad or something and kind of feel the

love. 

Then you think of this friend you’re angry with. And try

to keep experiencing this great love you have for your

mother but have this girl you’re angry with in your

mind. Maybe imagine hugging her. Then you embrace all

sentient beings, every person who suffers every one

everywhere who has problems like yours but doesn’t know 

what to do.

That’s loving kindness meditation, you usually end up

feeling very blissed out and then next time you see

the person you want to run up and hug them. I was

doing lo jong a few days ago where you imagine taking

all the pain from others onto your self and I couldn't

find a satisfying image of a person suffering (starving

African ect) and then I thought of this girl here who

is a bit odd but very unhappy and used her image, it

worked ok.

But then the next morning when I saw her I nearly

cried and wanted to run up and hug her and stuff! It

was really funny. Of course although I didn't say

anything she could kind of sense this intense feelings

I had for her and every since then she's been my best

friend and before we never really spoke.

Funny hey!

So yeah I mean your best friend one day can be your

worst enemy the next day, it all really revolves around

your mind so if you can change that then all your

problems will disappear.

So I think no. one, when you get angry drop the story

and get acquainted with the feeling and not the reason

behind it. Your mind is producing this feeling, not

the story. Then when you have the time either in the

morning or in the evenings do the meditation for like

15 or 20 mins everyday for a week and you'll be fine!

If you have trouble dropping the story when that

feeling crops up maybe you can say a mantra like om

mani padme hum or even just breath in and out and say

it in your head, I'm breathing in... I'm breathing

out... breathing in.. ect this is also a good way to

quieten your mind when you start meditation.

Ummm, if this works for you go and get a book by Pema

Chodren. She is a hero of Lo Jong (mind training)

she's great. I read 'Start where you are' by Pema

Chodron and it was really great.