Sunday, November 30, 2008

*

The afflictions bind all these beings without exception.


You, in order to release them from the afflictions, are eternally bound by compassion.


Should I first make obeisance to you,

or to the great compassion that causes you to dwell for so long in cyclic existence despite knowing its faults?

author unknown

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Getting community minded

The year is slowly coming to a close and I am so grateful. It’s been a long one. Not that time hasn’t passed by at lightening speed which it always seems like it has by the time you get to November. I remember my mother saying it gets faster and faster as you get older which sounded scary at the time but now actually it is quiet promising. Not that I particularly want to get old but I look forward to retiring from study and that is still nine years away….so bring it on, lightening speed I say.
I am only moaning because our exams are drawing near. It is a toss up between studying hard for my own benefit or being lazy and doing nothing because no one will notice any way. In the junior classes there is no written exam for philosophy, only debate and then only 5mins of it. Last year they even gave us the topic we had to debate on in advance so it was a bit of a no brainer. This year will probably be the same. As for the grammar exam…..well, what can I say I absolutely hate it. For us it is all handwriting and calligraphy and not much actual grammar study. My teacher has finally worked out that, after nearly two years my writing is not improving and asked the kind of obvious question "are you practicing in your room too?" I said something like… "me no speak Tibetan" (it worked.)
Yesterday a good friend of mine headed home to Ladahk to have an operation on her ear. If you ask me she brought it on herself. She has been really unhappy for a long time. Misses home too much and always complains that she is no good in class (which isn’t true) and wants to go back to her old nunnery. If your mind is constantly depressed like that it is not much surprise when you start manifesting it externally. In my last blogg a pasted a letter I wrote to a senior nun friend of mine. This same nun once said something like…if you live in a community but are not guided well, when you have problems, often you either get angry or you get sick. I see that a lot here and also in the Western nunnery I lived in before
Lots of nuns come and go here. Amongst the Western sangha they think it is a problem only the Westerners have but actually it is the same for all monks and nuns. Its not easy living in a community; no matter who you are or where you come from. Here the main reason they leave is illness, lack of interest in study (in which case they return home but remain nuns) or curiosity about the world ‘outside the nunnery’ in which case they leave and disrobe.
Once they leave they won’t come back. It is considered too shameful. Also if they disrobe they will never become a nun again as in the Tibetan tradition they say that a nun only gets one chance, (this is not in accord with the vinaya but what to do). I know a couple of Tibetan ladies who were formally nuns and then disrobed (a layperson’s life looks like more fun kind of scenario) they all deeply regretted it latter. Ironically one of the major obstacles they have which they didn’t expect, was having to work for a living and putting up with being poor. The nuns kind of get so use to people supporting them, although their living standards may not be great, they never stop to think about where the money is coming from and how they are going to get it once they disrobe.
This kind of thing however is unique to the Tibetans. For us westerners we are generally much more materially comfortable as laypeople than monastics and kind of live in the knowledge that if we were to give up the "habit", we would lead a far more materially happy existence, in the short term anyway, (this is for those who are really serious about monasticism and not just playing dress ups on the weekend).
I guess I wanted to say something about communal living and the fantasies people who haven’t done it hold. It is a bad habit to have too many expectations of a community. If one’s expectations are not meet we will waste all our time trying to change everything to be the way we think it should be and that never works. If everyone thinks…. If only they would do it the way I think it should be done then we would all be happy. Of course if everyone is thinking the same thing you are bound to have problems.
The good thing about India is that you learn to either let it go or go stark raving mad. Yes…. the beggars are going to try and grab you and yes…. it will take you 3 hours to do one little thing on the internet it takes 10 mins to do at home and yes…. the seat may be built for three but that is no good reason why the driver shouldn’t insist four of you squeeze in there. Still after all of that you come to learn to ‘laugh it off’. "Look at that Ani Nykil, that man has trained the monkey to steal people’s purses and he just made off with your bag, isn’t India incredible!"
As bad and difficult as communities can get, I think it is better to live in a community for some time as an adult. To help you get over yourself and your preferences, (a well functioning community would be better though).
For example, for me if I eat a vegan diet I feel really health and energized and just yesterday I realized that probably I will never be able to eat like that again in my life. So I may suffer physically from not getting exactly the food I need (or want) but the benefit of living together is much greater. For a monastic, I think living in a community is obligatory, at least for some years. Living on your own is too easy and lets all your bad habits set in. Also you learn so much merely by being in the presence of various types of monastics, even the ones you really don’t like.
Ultimately living alone is often too lonely for a monastic and most of those who do live alone do not remain in robes in the long-term. And isn’t that what it is all about? Holding on, pushing forward, and persevering. If I am a reckless, out of control kind of girl today how can I expect to be a Buddha by the time I am 30? If you can keep it together and just keep chipping away at it, eventually the great rock of ignorance in your mind will be nothing but fine sand, easily blown away- it just takes time. His Holiness often says that if you put the correct causes in place, no matter what, the concordant result will arise. So if you are practicing sincerely and ardently day in day out eventually your practice is bound to bear fruit, you just need time to let it simmer.

If master and disciples achieve a spiritually harmony, their relationship has reached its perfection.
If you recognize the signs and state of your realizations, you perceptive visions have reached their perfection.
The quality of your communal harmony, your awaked experience with its inner warmth and all its signs,
let these my children, serve as your share of the relics.
"The Life of Milarepa"