Being a spiritual hero

In chapter 23 Endurance (althouh the name of the chapter differs depending on your copy) there is a verse I really like.

"For it is not with these things that a man will reach the land unknown. NIRVANA is reached by that man who wisley and heroically trains himself."

This bit about being brave and being wise really speaks to me at the moment. Especially when your talking about being a hero and about guarding our mind and surrendering our ego. It all sounds very defeatist at first but in the end there really isn't any other way. Any person who is sincere about any religion will eventually come to a point when society does not agree with their beliefs and they have to say no to themselves and to society.

To me being a spiritual hero (which is a common term for a Bodhisattva) is a very beautiful way of expressing this wall that anyone with an honest desire to be happy will come across. Becsaue to be totally honest, in this consumerist society I really don't think it is possible to be totally happy and still appear to be a 'normal' person. Not that you have to be a nut case but you do need to be a little bit 'differnt'.

Before I went to india earlier in the year I had already made plans to come and be a student in my temple. They hadn't actually got back to me before I'd left and I still had to do an interview and all that kind of thing first so really it wasn't set in stone.

I even applied and was accepted into university and went to the orientation. Basically I was trying to avoid going to the temple. When I finally left my home to move to the temple I keep all my things dotted around my poor flat mates house 'just incase' it didn't work out and I came back quickly. I was scared. Scared of leaving my life, my car my friends and all my nice little do dahs I'd collected over the last few years.

Watching people pour through my clothing and take things away was gut wrenching. But I did it. I did it because I knew that I was not able to put the 'books' into practice. I was doing a lot of reading and meditating and all these kinds of practices but if my flatemate left his dirty dishes out I would lose it.

Someone said to me you have to empty yourself of everything and then fill yourself back up again with the dharma. If you hold onto yourself; your past your abilities your preferences, there is no room left for the dharma. I'm starting to agree with that.

The first thing that had to go when I got here was my piercing. I had my tongue and libret pierced. Taking them out was like taking away my name, I didn't realize how closely I identified with them. I nearly didn't recognize myself with out them. In fact I didn't recognize my self and I felt so inadequate with out my piercing and without any makeup. I didn't want people to see me in my uniform. I didn't like walking around the temple when it was open incase outsiders wanted to speak to me.

Now I don't care.

In fact i try not to look in the mirror at all, not avoid my self but more becsaue it doesn't really matter to me anymore. I find that if you don't judge others by their appearence you don't care about what others may be thinking about you.

I read in a Zen book my Richard Attkins about how our ego attaches to things we like, things we want to be like and things we want people to see us with. For me it is actually my music. I love to listen to my cd's currently it is 'Kings of Leon' although its getting a bit old now.

I totally identify with my music and even though I wont be going out of the temple again for a while I still managed to buy 3 new cd's on the weekend. I feel like if I don't have my music I will be empty. The funny thing is that the ultimate goal in Buddhism is emptiness!

I think to myself well music and television are such important parts of our culture if I cut myself off from them I will be unable to connect with ordinary people. I think that deep down this is just a huge excuse.

So I guess being a spiritual hero is having the courage to do what you know is the correct thing even though it sucks. The big thing here though is the wisdom to know what the correct thing to do is. if your like me and you don't have a Lama or a trusted teacher at least you can rely on the three jewles. Even though your friends think you've gone soft and your Mum thinks you've joined a cult. Even though society thinks you're a crack job, you have to stay strong.

A hero usually saves people, saves the damsel in distress. I guess I'm trying to save myself from society and save everyone else from themselves as well. Still I have a long way to go. I read this quote is the next chapter. i can't really comment on it becsaue I am not at thing level yet. It is very challenging and I just wanted to put it out there so people can have a think about it. If you don't agree with it you can out it aside but it really touches a nerve in me.

"Leave the past behine; leave the future behind; leave the present behind. Thou art then ready to go to the other shore. Never more shalt thou return to a life that ends in death."

erin